jacks.jukebox

If you have followed my guide so far then you’ve probably already had the best weekend of your life.

How was Jabba the slut? And did you manage to get healed by The Master Musicians of Joujouka? But there are still two nights left so I hope you’ve saved yourself.

Unfortunately, Saturday is the worst day of music, in my opinion. There’s really not much going on until later in the evening.

HOWEVER, there is once again an act worth seeing at midday on the Main Stage. It may be slightly different than “The Master Musicians of Joujouka” but it’s certainly still a strong start to the day.

The one, the only, Rick “rollin” Astley. If he ever becomes a professional wrestler there’s his name, you’re welcome Rick. Now, according to this report, he will also be performing a secret set at the Woodies stage along with Blossoms in their “super-group”, ‘those charming men’. I might give that one a miss. I do implore you to check out that report I linked though, it’s fascinating.

For the rest of the day I would check out lots of the smaller stages and see what pricey food and drink you can find. Now would be the time to find any presents or memorabilia if you’re after that sort of thing. Maybe a t-shirt with GLASTONBURY 2023 sprawled across it, or maybe a nice big mug, I don’t know.

After you’ve spent hundreds of quid on some food, drink and presents for the significant other, make your way to either the West Holts Stage or the Other Stage.

Just like Friday, between the hours of 7-11pm is when you’ll find the best music of the day. You’d find me at the West Holts Stage, so let me tell you all about the Other Stage first. Because why not?

6:45pm. Other Stage. Manic Street Preachers. Yes please. I would be very very tempted to be at the Other Stage for this before making my way over to the West Holts. But alas, I’m not there so I don’t have to make that decision, so I digress.

Following them up at 8:45pm is someone I can’t say I’ve listened to much of, but I’ve certainly heard lots of noise about his name. Central Cee. The UK drill and trap star has over 1 billion streams on Spotify in less than a year. Not bad. Not my cup of tea but I’m sure he’s at the top of the must see list for many.

Finally on the Other Stage. It’s Lana Del Rey. I really could skip her quite easily if I’m being honest. Good job no one reads this because there’d be hell to pay for saying that. I just think she’s a bit average, soz. Summertime Sadness is an undeniable banger though, so to make up for my nasty words, that can enter the Jukebox.

Now over to the West Holts Stage. Clashing with Manic Street Preachers we have Ezra Collective. Ranging from afrobeat to dancefloor jazz, Ezra Collective are the perfect act to get the Saturday night party started. Their tune with Loyle Carner (prepare to hear more about him), “What am I to do” definitely goes straight into the Jukebox. Check it out if you haven’t already.

Now onto the West Holts headliner, it is that man, Loyle Carner. I first saw Loyle Carner on the BBC introducing stage at the Radio 1 Big Weekend in Hull in 2016 (I think). We were just walking around after seeing an unheard of Dua Lipa. This was mere months before she blew up. We heard this guy rapping about how he spent all his money on new CD’s, mostly Jay-Z’s. He was infront of about 50 people. This peaked our interest. 2016 was a weird time for music, there were some exciting acts coming through and we had grime and Stormzy and all that popping off. But there was still a domination of boring, bland pop. Seeing Dua Lipa, Charli xcx, Mura Masa and Loyle Carner all in one day gave me a slimmer of hope for the future of pop music. And they didn’t let me down. Pop music is undoubtedly better than it was even 5 years ago, and it’s because of the individualism and bravery of some of these acts to try something new. It’s still not quite 1980’s level of pop, but we’re getting there.

Loyle Carners first album is one of my favourite ep’s of all time. The lyrics, the beats, the flow, it’s all near perfect in my opinion. Along with the likes of Kae Tempest and Ghostpoet, they have created an exciting sub-genre of UK hip-hop heavily based on poetry, long may it live.

For now, the only Loyle Carner song entering the Jukebox is the very first I heard on that day in Hull, “No CD” ft. Rebel Cleff. There will DEFINITELY be more Loyle Carner entries to look forward to.

If neither Loyle Carner or Lana Del Rey is your thing, Woodies Stage might appeal to you. Italian megastars Maneskin, who infamously got accused of sniffing certain substances whilst simultaneously easily winning Eurovision (heroes), will be appearing at 7:30pm. Although their releases since winning Eurovision are severely underwhelming , apparently they’re really good live. According to my mum. So there you go.

They’re followed up by electro pop sensations Christine & the Queens who are a band I would love to see one day, but unfortunately today’s not the day. I’d rather see Loyle Carner. Unlucky Christine.

Now, you might be wondering why I haven’t mentioned the Main Stage headliners. That’s because it’s 2023, who really cares for Guns n’ Roses. Even their diehard fans from back in the 80s have probably moved on. So we shall swiftly move on aswell.

The final of the main stage acts which I would make sure to see is the legend Fatboy Slim. Well apart, from Mel C on the Avalon Stage at 9:45pm of course. Why not have some Spice Girls in the Jukebox, Girl Power n all that. “Wannabe”, you’re in.

But like I was saying before the thought of the Spice Girls over-excited me. Fatboy Slim at 11pm at the Park Stage. He performs at pretty much every festival you could think of, every single year. But there’s a reason for that. Who doesn’t want to sing along and boogie to “Praise You” and “The Rockafeller Skank”. Get them in the Jukebox !

Rest of the night can be spent in very similar vein to Friday night. Because guess who’s back… That’s right, Jabba The Slut is BACK at the Sweet Charity stage at 2:30am! Get ready because you’re gonna be having a late one with the true hero of Worthy Farm.

So that’s Saturday complete. One more day to go. Be sure to check out the Jukebox entries here and let me know if I’ve missed any possible entries, we could come to some sort of agreement. Oh and Lana Del Rey fans, please leave me alone. I would say the same for Guns n’ Roses fans, but i’m not sure they exist anymore.

Until next time. Ciao for now.