There were some wins, and some losses. Here, I will analyse just how useful my Glasto guide was. I looked into the future and told you to avoid Lana Del Rey, you’re welcome. But I also completely missed out maybe the best performance of the weekend. Let’s see where I was right and where I really messed up.
FRIDAY
Friday could’ve been better, could’ve been worse. In both the quality of the music, and my guide. I correctly instructed you to not miss Sparks. Or correctly in my mind at least. I do understand if you don’t get Sparks, they did spend 5 minutes singing about BALLS after all. (Not as good as their 1975 hit, “Tits”, but I digress.) Still, if you are a fan of Sparks work, you would not have been let down. Russell Mael’s vocals are as impressive as ever, as he still hits all those high notes at 74 years of age. With his brother Ron still carrying the same unsettling, imposing demeanor that made them a success on Top Of The Pops decades ago.
If you haven’t seen any of their performance, do check out when they bought Cate Blanchett on stage for a rendition of “The girl is crying in her latte”.
The rest of Friday saw Billy Nomates put on a fantastic indivdual performance which got some old, angry mens knickers in a twist because they thought she should’ve had a band with her. Or something like that. I don’t even think they know what they’re angry about.
We Saw Arctic Monkeys perform as the first main stage headliners. They were alright. Alex Turner was clearly still struggling with his voice. But they were alright. I’m sure some old, angry men would’ve rather heard their first album in it’s entirety (as would I to be fair, but that’s why I have Spotify.)
But the one band that I would like to mention, which I failed to in the guides. Is Warpaint. The all female, American band just looked effortlessly cool in everything they did, from their clothes, to the bassists lackadaisical way of playing. Top 3 performance of the weekend for me, and the best on Friday. Mostly all down to their opener, “Champion”. Which is going straight into the Jukebox.
SATURDAY
I must say Saturday reflects well on me. Thanks to Loyle Carner and Lana Del Rey. Let’s start with the good.
Loyle Carner put on, in my opinion, the performance of the weekend. The progression and direction of Loyle Carner is upwards only. I won’t go into detail again of why I’m such a big fan (check out the Saturday guide for that) but the passion and storytelling of this performance was unmatched. Some people may find his common interjection of a story between songs as preachy or cringe, but to me it only added to the performance. He wasn’t trying to force any viewpoint onto anybody, nor was he asking for any sympathy, he was simply just telling his story in an extremely personal and compelling way. That’s how I saw it anyway. Let me know your thoughts on Loyle Carners performance, was their anyone better over the weekend?
Fatboy Slim also put on a show as expected. About 90 minutes of non-stop partying on the Park Stage, including a lovely tribute to Maxi Jazz of Faithless.
And now to the bad. Oh Lana, Lana, Lana. In a weekend which was headlined by only men, it was the women that stood out strongly to me. Warpaint, CHVRCHES, Rina Sawayama and Maggie Rogers all put on brilliant performances and stole the show in my opinion. BUT, Lana Del Rey had the chance to show everyone that SHE should’ve been headlining the Main Stage. SHE had the chance to prove everyone wrong, inlcuding me. So what did she do? She showed up 30 minutes late blaming her hair. I don’t know if she’s trying to be a diva, or maybe there was a genuine reason. But to me it’s not a great look. To me it just looks like she’s trying to be cool and punk, and I’m sorry if I’m wrong about that, but she’s about the same age as Warpaint, she should take some advice from them.
I get it, she probably doesn’t care about proving anybody wrong, and she’s probably earned the right to not care. But come on, just say you lost track of time watching Guns N’ Roses or something, not that you were busy doing your hair.
Speaking of Guns N’ Roses, fair play to them. I didn’t give them much praise in my guide but they definitely put on a show, and although Axl Rose sounded pretty terrible, he still bounced around that stage for almost 3 hours. Good effort.
Sunday
I’m going to get straight to the point for Sunday. I told you to watch Alt-J instead of Elton John. I was wrong.
No slight on Alt-J, they were decent. But Elton John was BY FAR the standout headliner of the weekend. It really was hit after hit after hit. It was one of the performances where you really don’t realise just how many tunes he has. The guests were almost faultlessly picked aswell. Jacob Lusk of the band “Gabriels” joined Elton on stage for “Are you ready for love” which was the stand-out performance for me. But then there was that guy who has that TikTok song. Nice song but he came on and rambled about love and life with a Californian demeanor matching that of a Charles Manson follower. Weird guy.
Sunday was probably my least helpful guide. I told you to watch Japanese Breakfast, they cancelled. I highlighted Blondie big time, she seemed past it unfortunately. And I also just skimmed straight past Queens of the Stone Age. Just take a look at this video below to see what you would’ve missed out on if you listened to me.
Word of advice for the future, don’t listen to me.
OVERVIEW
So, in true style of an essay… In conclusion, if you took my guides for gospel and followed my every move, you would’ve seen the best performance of the weekend in Loyle Carner, but missed the next two best in Warpaint and Sir Elton. You wouldn’t have had to stand around waiting for Lana Del Rey, but you would’ve missed the very best mosh pits of the weekend with Queens of the Stone Age.
This is why you can’t trust people on the internet.
Until next time. Ciao for now.
jacks.jukebox 
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