jacks.jukebox

Dylan v. Albarn, 2024

District Attorney of jacks.jukebox

The case of a total ban of Mobile Phones at music venues

“An 83 year-old male musician (Mr. Bob Dylan) brought a class action challenging the constitutionality of mobile phones at music concerts, claiming a total ban would “Make the occasion even more unique”. A 56 year-old male musician (Mr. Damon Albarn) argues against Mr. Dylan’s claim, “If you start banning things where does it end? I think you’ve just got to turn up and do your thing.” Today this courtroom intends to reach a definitive, unequivocal answer to this case. In the name of jacks.jukebox.”

Welcome to the Jukebox Courtroom. *Don’t worry I’ll stop writing it like an official document now. For you keen-eyed law-heads out there you might recognise I took slight inspiration from the “Roe v. Wade” documents with that intro. A court case potentially more poignant today than ever before.*

It’s been all over the music news this week. Bob Dylan has banned mobile phones from all his upcoming tour dates in the UK. He’s not the first to do this, and he won’t be the last. Today we’ll take a look at both sides of the argument, and come to a definitive answer of whether Mr. Dylan has a point.

Has Bob Dylan got a point?

I’m sure you’ve all felt the anger. You’re at a gig you’ve been looking forward to for months. Ready to have a great time, ready to live in the moment where nothing else matters for 90 minutes. Then the guy in front of you doesn’t put his phone down the whole time.

Then there’s the other side to it. You’re scrolling through instagram and checking out people’s stories. “Oh, this guy’s been to a gig. Oh… he’s put the whole damn thing on his story.” If you’re one of them peeps, sorry but no one sits there and watches the whole thing. A simple picture or short vid will suffice. But who am I to tell you how to enjoy yourself. More importantly, who the hell is Bob Dylan to tell you how to enjoy yourself.

Let’s forget about what I think, or even what Bob Dylan thinks. Let’s take an unbiased, factual look at the arguments for allowing phones into gigs.

The first thing that jumps into my mind is this; we live in 2024, phones are everywhere and everything. Back in Dylan’s day, if you wanted to get noticed, it was all about word of mouth. Guess what word of mouth has evolved into? You guessed it, social media. Bands want as many clips on TikTok and Instagram as possible. That’s how you break through these days.

If you’re a Bob Dylan or a Paul McCartney, fair enough, you’ve earned the right to do what you want, you’ve got your massive fan base who are not going anywhere. But I guarantee you will not see any new, upcoming band banning phones from their gigs. And if they do then that’s a pretty poor business move, in my opinion.

But it’s not all about business, there are more serious arguments against Mr. Dylan’s viewpoint. Think back to Ariana Grande playing Manchester Arena in 2017. A horrible terrorist attack killing 22 young girls. Imagine the panic and mayhem if a parent couldn’t get in touch with their child attending the show. Obviously, you shouldn’t live in fear, and you can’t make rule after rule just incase of a terrorist attack. But I think it’s a point worth making.

There’s also the fact that sometimes people just do need their phones. Example – The demographic at Bob Dylan shows is typically older, a lot of the attendees will have young kids. A husband and wife decide to have a nice night out together watching their favourite musician, away from the kids at last ! But they need a babysitter. And they need to check up on this babysitter, make sure he’s not just taken the 20 quid and left, the damn scoundrel. How are they meant to do that if they’ve had their phone locked away?

One last quick point… the bloody queues. If everyone is having to queue up to have their phone taken off them, imagine the wait. Cba with that.

Now to me, and maybe to you, these arguments sound very specific. Maybe Damon Albarn had the most poignant point when he simply stated, “People won’t want to be on their phone if you’re engaging with them correctly.”

I have first hand proof of this, just last weekend I went to see Yard Act (check out the review here), there was no phone ban, but let me tell you I saw hardly any mobiles the whole gig. It was refreshing. It truly felt like everyone was in the moment.

But this clearly isn’t always the case. Go to see any rap artist and I guarantee you’ll be surrounded by phones. If you went to see Damon Albarn’s very own Blur at Wembley last year, guess what… you would’ve been surrounded by phones. Maybe you should try be more engaging ‘ey Damon?

*I should state, if you actually listen to the interview where Damon talks about Bob Dylan’s phone ban, he’s really not that passionate about it. If you had read any of the articles about it this week you’d think he released a press statement strongly opposing Bobby. Just a classic case of clickbait. And I’m jumping straight onto it.*

Why is Damon Albarn SO wrong ?!

Let’s take a look at why Bob Dylan might be in the right shall we. There’s really only two main arguments I could think of here. First one’s obvious. With no phone, you will be more in the moment. You will be more engaged with the music.

Music journalist, Mark Beaumont, attended a Jack White gig with a phone ban in place. And he couldn’t be more positive about it. Writing in NME he said, “The crowd was more pumped and enthused than I’d seen at any event in the digital age. Instead of screens in the air, there were hands.”

This is an argument I probably would’ve agreed with a week ago. But as I said I attended a gig just last weekend where hardly any phones were seen. I think it really does depend on the sort of act you’re seeing.

The other main argument for a phone ban is a bit more specific to Bob Dylan gigs. Let’s take it over to Reddit user “MilkWeedSeeds”:

Bloody boomers, am I right?

The Verdict

As the judge of the Jukebox Courtroom I am here to deliver the verdict. There will be no appeals, there will be no disagreements. What I say stands.

My verdict is as follows:

Who cares. Seriously. If Bob Dylan wants a phone ban at his gig, fair enough. As stated earlier, he’s earned the right to do what he wants.

Should every musician follow in his footsteps? No, definitely not. Most fans of mainstream pop and rap artists want to take videos and pictures. And that’s fine.

Go to a more underground, indie show and you’ll probably find most people leaving their phone in their pocket. They don’t need to be told to leave it at home. And that’s fine.

jacks.jukebox officially rules in favour of Bob Dylan… and of Damon Albarn. Two musicians who have been bringing joy to crowds for decades. Phone or no phone.

Consider court closed… for now.